Greetings Fellow Nerds!
Yes, it has been some time since the curmudgeon has graced the digital pages of the Nerd Nation realm; but I have been busy with Mr. Harlequin and Mr. Nimmons doing other things. However, as we are here in the middle of the summer blockbuster season, watching and waiting for the new movies that will fiscally top the ones from the previous year, and inevitably bring out all the little sniffling crybabies screaming about “No Spoilers!” and threatening each other because of it all over social media… I felt I needed to dust off the old column, and throw some much-needed shade over this particular ray of blinding light.
GET. OVER. IT.
You know what? This is the internet. Spoilers happen. The world does not revolve around you or your delicate sensibilities, and my desire to say something about any movie before you have seen it does not end with your delicate desire to not see or hear anything about said movies.
If you don’t want to see spoilers, perhaps the easiest way to ensure that is to… you know… STAY OFF SOCIAL MEDIA! Believe it or not you can just not read your news feed on Facebook, or click the latest hashtag on Twitter or Instagram, or whatever the hell your preferred social media flavor is.
I know, I know… you’re probably about to say something to the tune of “But, but I need social media to keep in contact with people! Everyone needs to not say anything!” Sorry, no. If you must use social media to keep in contact with people on a daily basis, there’s this thing called a messenger, and it’s largely what most people use to individually communicate with each other to begin with. One can very easily use this without ever once checking their news feed, hashtags, or what have you. This is within YOUR control.
Oh, right, you’re about to go into the whole defense of “I deserve to have a spoiler-free viewing just like you did!” Great, then stop reading people’s posts or other media reviews about the flick after it’s come out. The longer the flick is out, the more people see it and talk about it. You can’t possibly expect every single person or media outlet to refrain from talking about something until YOU have seen it. Well, you could, but you’re quite frankly an idiot if you do. Look, most media outlets DON’T post reviews with spoilers in them, and if they do, they’ll always warn you. Hell, here at Nerd Nation our editors ALWAYS go the extra step and tell you it’s spoiler-free! But when it comes to individual people on the internet, and especially people on social media, you’re on your own. That’s just the way it is.
Or, perhaps you’re even about to drop my favorite retort on this one and start with the old trusty “If any of you spoil this movie, I will unfriend and block and disown you forever!” Well, as the old famous saying goes. Bye, Felicia.
Look, it’s simple, with hyped-up movies comes great masses going to see them, and thus talking about them afterward. That’s just the way it goes. If they speak on it near you, you have no right to tell them to stop talking about it just because you haven’t seen it; and that’s doubly true with the internet. If you start reading something from someone that pertains to the movie in question, then STOP READING THE POST!! If you’re that worried about it being spoiled for you, JUST DON’T READ SOCIAL MEDIA NEWS FEEDS UNTIL YOU’VE SEEN IT! How difficult of a concept is this?? No one twists your arm and forces you to read or listen to anything related to what you are trying to avoid, and chastising others for saying what they want kind of just makes you look like a crybaby.
Look, I’m not saying spoilers don’t suck. They do. But I am saying that if you don’t want something you want to see spoiled for you, then it’s very easy to just avoid seeing anything spoiler-oriented, if you just put forth a little bit of effort. The world doesn’t revolve around you, it certainly doesn’t revolve around me, and sometimes we all just have to accept that the world’s not going to just change everything about itself just to please us. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is. But by all means, keep on yelling and griping about people posting spoilers if it makes you happy… just remember that you’ve had the power to avoid this all along, and maybe, just maybe you’re the spoiled one.
This is Dave Ward, and you have just warped through the Negative Space.
– Dave Ward
Columnist/First Ambassador: Nerd Nation Magazine
Please Note: the views and opinions expressed by Mr. Ward are entirely his own and do not necessarily reflect those of Nerd Nation Magazine, our sponsors, or anyone else, for that matter. This is an opinion column, and is intended for entertainment purposes only, so please don’t be a d-bag and leave a bunch of mean comments or try to sue anyone over the stuff he writes. If it offends and/or infuriates, we encourage you to just go read something else… preferably right here on Nerd Nation!