The Negative Space (w/ Dave Ward) – issue #10: Tim Burton Just Sucks

Greetings Fellow Nerds!

This will be the conclusion of Season One of “The Negative Space,” and while that likely brings the lot of you easily butt-hurt folks out there great joy that you have (in your minds anyway) “silenced another detractor” of the fandom you love (albeit temporarily), I know that there will be a few of you with a sense of humor that will miss my once-a-month rants about things that just outright suck.

Now, in the movie business, the best-known filmmakers are typically either really good, or absolutely terrible, with the latter covering most of Hollywood these days. One director in particular that has seemingly made a career out of butchering authors’ stories, making flat out mockery of others, and the original work equally leaving actual film people scratching their heads will be this month’s topic.
This atrocity has the name of Tim Burton.

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And (as Kevin Smith famously said) I guess that explains Batman!

That’s right kiddos, Tim Burton is the worst director in Hollywood today. Yeah, I said it.

He’s essentially the weird kid in the corner with stupid, half-morbid ideas that no one understood, and his emotional detatchment is obvious in his work. From taking several stories from great children’s author Roald Dahl (James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), and turning them into dark, dreary, lunacy-filled drivel; to admittedly never reading comic books, then signing on to direct comic book movies that turned into piles of excrement (90s Batman movies, anyone??), then making his own actual movies (The Nightmare Before Christmas, Corpse Bride), of which there are few because it’s obvious he has NO original thinking whatsoever, and those just turn out to be nonsensical goth kid rantings.

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THIS JUST IN: apparently there ARE actually other actors on Earth besides Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter… shh, don’t tell Tim!

The unoriginal thinking devolves even more; how many times can you cast the same four people in different movies (particularly Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter) before A: you realize that they aren’t everything, or B: they finally get tired of looking and hearing you. I blame the cough “fans” as well. WHY/HOW can any of these cinematic landfills be entertaining?? What clicked inside that peanut sized nerve bundle to make any of these things appeal to the point of turning this douche into a film mogul?? Things that make you shake your head on a daily basis, I tell ya.

So if you tell me you like anything this moron has put out over the years, I totally accept that, but I am very likely to question your taste in pretty much anything else; and sadly it doesn’t really look like Hollywood is making an effort to put out really anything good to combat this, because they like making money off the idiot masses, and sadly, plenty of nerds have fallen for the dupe.

But that’s okay, it’s not like he’s going to be remaking and ruining anything else anytime soon, right?
Oh… wait…

This is Dave Ward, and you have just warped though The Negative Space.

-Dave Ward
First Ambassador/Resident Grouch
Federation Starship Nerd Nation

Please Note: the views and opinions expressed by Mr. Ward are entirely his own and do not necessarily reflect those of Nerd Nation Magazine, our sponsors, or anyone else, for that matter. This is an opinion column, and is intended for entertainment purposes only, so please don’t be a d-bag and try to sue anyone over the stuff he writes. If it offends and/or infuriates, we encourage you to simply go read something else… preferably right here at Nerd Nation!

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3 thoughts on “The Negative Space (w/ Dave Ward) – issue #10: Tim Burton Just Sucks

  1. This is b/s! He’s not even close to as bad as your making him out 2 be! And I’m NOT stupid just b/c i like something that u dont! I usually like all the articles here but this one writer is just a JEALOUS BITCHY JERK who always has to run his mouth about stuff he has no clue about!

    Like

  2. i happen 2 like tim burtons movies just like most people out there. this guy is just some whiny stupid TROLL trying 2 get people mad so they pay attention 2 him! U SUCK DAVE WARD!

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  3. Congrats on writing an article that says nothing. You did a splendid job of not really saying anything other than you don’t like Tim Burton because he screwed up Batman for you. Why did this need to be an article? Couldn’t this have been a Facebook status for all the effort you put into it?

    Like

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