Greetings Nerds! Your favorite curmudgeon is back with another edition of The Negative Space! This month, I debated on what to do. I had a few options, as I always do; but settled on something that this column was based on, and that is pure cinematic crap and rewarding C-grade mediocrity. The greatest culprit of this, is none other than NBC-Universal owned SYFY (or as I call them: “Siffy”). Without further adieu, here is this month’s Negative Space warp: SyFy Original Programming!
SciFi Channel, as it was originally, and appropriately, named, used to have a wonderful run of Science Fiction and Fantasy syndicated shows from past and present. I remember being able to watch Farscape, Andromeda, Star Trek, Doctor Who, The Twilight Zone, tons of classic movies, all under one channel that my TV never really diverted from. A few years ago, just after NBC bought the channel, everything went to hell in a handbasket rather quickly. Long gone were shows and movies that you loved watching, the things that made the network what it was had been flushed down the crapper. Replaced with WWE Wrestling (this still makes my head hurt to this day), show after show of “reality” based programming began popping up like Face Off, Heroes of Cosplay, Ghost Hunters, Scare Tactics, etc., Shows that at first seemed like it might be good, but then the acting was terrible, graphics and camerawork lacking in anything professional, and really? How many damn shows can you make about world virus pandemics, zombie infested nations, and if the Easter Island Stones are “haunted” or not? All of a sudden this wasn’t the network that celebrated the genre, but rather one that diluted it to the lowest common denominator viewer.
SyFy Original Movies are even more horrendous. I know Canadian twin sisters (looking at you Soska Twins!), and a fat, bearded New Jersey pothead (and also you, Mr. Smith!) that could take $2 million and actually make something really damn good to watch. Instead we are given cinematic gems like Sharknado, Sharktupus, MANSQUITO (huh?), Ice Twisters… Even trying to cash in on original films success to no avail like Lake Placid 2, House of the Dead 2, Species III & The Awakening.. All delivering CGI that a second-year Full Sail University student would be graded with a C+, (cough) “acting” so good that you might want to give these folks some background parts like Red Shirt #5 as their next gig, and scripts that make you wonder just what these people were doing when they were thought up.
Don’t get me wrong, celebration of B-Movie cheese has been around almost as long as acting and film itself; BUT, there is a distinct difference. B-movie actors are for the most part as good as the A-listers, just not as lucky, B-movies themselves are still well-thought-out, rehearsed, and well executed for the most part. None of these things are what I would include on anything “syfy original” branded. I’d call these piles of excrement C-Movies… or even D-Movies.
When the highest rated show on your supposed “science fiction” network is WWE Smackdown, that tells you all you need to know about the rest of the quality entertainment “siffy” has to offer you.
This is Dave Ward, and you have just warped through The Negative Space.
-Dave Ward: First Ambassador/Resident Grouch
Federation Starship: Nerd Nation
Editor’s Note: The views and opinions expressed by Mr. Ward in “The Negative Space” are his and his alone. They do not necessarily reflect those of Nerd Nation Magazine, or anyone else… so please, don’t be a d-bag and try to sue anyone over the stuff he writes. It’s called an opinion… don’t like it? The internet is a big place. Just read something else… preferably on here! =)